Resources for Underdogs

Don’t Waste It

On November 8, 2020

Being a father is more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Don’t hear me wrong, here–this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Molding and shaping them, and teaching them, and growing with them… the kicker is that, most of the time, that’s the easy part.

Not that it is “easy” to teach kids anything. Sometimes just getting them to listen at all is like pulling teeth… I have heard other fathers say things like, “Man, I just wasn’t cut out to be a dad I guess,” or, “Hey, you guys want another kid? I’ve got one you can have!” These things break my heart. I realize that these dads are mostly joking (usually), but I believe fatherhood is one of the most serious, heavy, important things you can involve yourself in, and I don’t like people to toss it around lightly. No, it isn’t really easy, and there are days when I wonder if I am doing it right at all. But, at least in my life, loving my kids and pouring life into them comes naturally. What doesn’t always come naturally is this: denying myself of what I want so that I can take care of my kids.

I would absolutely LOVE to just get up in the morning on my day off, at whatever time I want to wake up, and just drink coffee and watch TV for a while before playing some video games, reading a book, doing some yard work, and just in general actually being off. I don’t remember the last time a weekend went that way for me. I’m not complaining, because I know it would be selfish of me to expect them to just leave me alone. Besides, what is the point of having a family if you don’t love and enjoy them?

Today, I tried to lock myself away for a while and just write a blog post. I have several unfinished starter posts in my drafts folder, because I am too much of a perfectionist to post something that isn’t up to my “standards.” I thought I would finally look over some of those and come up with a good, profound thought for the day. Instead, I ended up playing with the kids while my wife took a nap (she has been sick, in her defense), then while they were distracted I cleaned the kitchen and cooked supper (yea, I know. I’m ~~well-trained~~ awesome). Oh well.

Now that I am getting a chance to write, it looks like my unfinished posts are going to stay that way, because this is what I wrote instead. What I want to get across to my readers today is that, as a dad, you probably don’t get much time to yourself to do what you want to do. If you do, good for you, and I hope you are better than me at balancing your wants against the needs and demands of your family. But it occurred to me today while I spent time holding my 1-year-old daughter that one day, I will have all the time in the world to myself. One day, when they are grown and gone off to college or they are married and having kids of their own, I will get a chance to watch the shows I want to and listen to the music I want to and read the books I want to read. But I won’t get to hold my 1-year-old daughter any more after December 19th, 2020, because then she will be my 2-year-old daughter. The season will be over.

Sure, some days I look forward to when they are older and we can go to the movies and to theme parks together. But I know that the day will come when they will have their own friends, and their own interests. So I am choosing to spend as much time as I can holding them and playing puzzles with them and doing what they think is fun. The hardest part about being a dad is that, one day, I know I will have to let them go into the world as adults, and I dread that day. Even though I know I will be so proud of them, and so happy for them…I dread it.

So for today: even if things didn’t go “my way,” I chose to make memories with them. I chose to love them and be with them. I hope that by building and cultivating my relationships with my children now, they will look back fondly on their childhood. I hope that keeps them from wandering too far into the world, too far to come back home for Christmas.

But when that day comes that they are off on their own, soaring and being all that they can be, I want to be able to look back on today, and on this season, and know that I made the most of it. My parents poured into my sister and me the same way, and now, we are closer than most families despite our physical distance. I have talked to my dad about how to raise them, and asked for advice on many occasions. The best advice he has given me, that I am sharing with you, is this: don’t waste it. They won’t be this little forever. What your children think of you 20 and 30 years from now will be what they see right now. Are you showing them that you are there and will listen, and that they can come to you for every little thing? You have a special opportunity to build something that will last far longer than your favorite TV show will be on the air. You have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be their Dad. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Don’t waste it.

Just listen

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On October 5, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

I don’t remember much about being 3 years old, but I wonder if I was as stubborn and strong-willed as my son is.

Erica (my wife) and I have had a hard time lately with getting him to listen to ANYTHING. No matter what we say, especially as he gets tired, we are usually met with no response. Then, when we say, “Sam! Do you hear me?!” We get a blank stare as he asks, “Huh?” I find it particularly maddening that right after that, while I repeat what I said, he begins to talk and sing and make silly noises while I’m still talking and makes no attempt to listen the second time.

I don’t like to spank my kids. It’s not that I “don’t believe in that” or anything. I just don’t like to. It hurts them physically (only a little), it hurts their feelings, and it stings me too because I don’t like causing them pain or discomfort in any way. In light of all that, I will do whatever I can to get my point across any other way; talking, explaining, using examples, putting them in time-out, taking toys away, whatever. Sometimes, one of those will at least seem to break through to Sam. But sometimes…

My dad used to say, “If your two ears up top won’t listen, I’ll have to speak to the Third Ear!” I always rolled my eyes and thought that was a stupid thing to call someone’s butt. Your backside can’t hear, I would think, he just likes making stupid jokes or something, whatever. But now that I am a parent? I get it. I’m sorry, dad, for all the times I didn’t listen with my two ears up top, because now I see how INFURIATING it is for your kid to suddenly act like they don’t understand English!

I wonder how often God calls me, talks to me, tells me to do something, tells me again, and then finally just has enough and has to break something in order to get my attention. Well, I don’t wonder, I guess, because like a child, it isn’t that I just don’t hear Dad talking…it’s that I’m not always paying attention. I tend to tune Him out unless I want something or find myself in a crisis. Then, when He doesn’t answer me immediately or in the way I wanted, I get frustrated and wonder why He doesn’t care or why He sits back and doesn’t intervene in my circumstances.

As a father myself, I can just imagine what He says: Oh, son. You are so bright sometimes, and then you go and act like a dummy. Listen to what I am saying! Pay attention to the work I’m doing in you and around you! You are not ready for all that I could be giving you because you can’t even listen to simple instructions.

Then, since I didn’t listen, as if I don’t hear or understand Him, God has to get my attention some other way. We have a “third ear” too, and if you have never been out of the favor of God, let me tell you, I would MUCH rather have a physical spanking. Sometimes God has to break your car or your job or your budget in order to make you listen. Once he gets your attention, the conviction that comes when you realize WHY he had to do all that just makes it even worse. For me, there is guilt and restlessness until I have really repented and come back humbly to where God intended for me to be all along.

I want to do better. I want my son to do better, too. God gives us children, in part, to help us see our own faults, I guess. To basically say, “This is what I am dealing with! Now you know how that feels!”

Having children also shows me the unconditional love of the Father. No matter how frustrating they can be, I would give my life in an instant in order to save them. I care so deeply for them that it really does hurt me more than it hurts them to have to spank them or fuss at them, because I just want them to be good and do good and not have to get in trouble or be corrected. Imagine our relationship if they would just listen. They would never have to feel guilty or ashamed or sorry, and I would never have to be angry or upset or disappointed…

Now turn that thought around, and just imagine what our relationships with God could be…if we would just listen.

Helping Dad

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 15, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

When I was a kid, I loved to help my dad with projects around the house. We mainly did yard work, but we also had a few bigger ongoing projects. The ones I can remember from being old enough to actually help include turning a screened in porch into a full sun room, re-shingling our roof, repainting the house, and turning a large back porch into three closed-in rooms.

As an adult, when I think back on all that I “helped” with as a kid, I can remember many times when my dad gave me a “special” job that ended up really not being such a big piece of the project at all. Bringing water, holding a door, and removing nails from the lumber in the trash pile are a few examples. As I got older, he let me do more and more, and at least the flooring and drywall in the sun room, he and I did without any help. I have used the skills I learned from that on multiple occasions as a homeowner myself!

But if all I did when I was younger was hold a door open, or get a hammer from the toolbox, did I really help very much? The answer, of course, is not that I helped my dad so much, or that I was some sort of construction whiz (I am definitely not, I can assure you). The reason why he gave me jobs that seemed big to me but that don’t seem so big to us now lies in the fact that I still remember them.

My dad was building a relationship. It was all about teamwork, and about helping in the project and being a part of the work that was going on. It wasn’t that he needed my help. It was that I needed to think he needed my help. And, as a dad I can also say, it was that he WANTED me to be involved and be on his team.

That is how God uses us in His work. He is doing a great work in the world today, even though a lot of evidence we see may seem to point to Him just sitting back, playing the role of an eternal clock maker who has wound up his invention and is just letting it tick away. The character of God revealed to us in His work and in the remnants of our Created Nature (thanks C.S. Lewis) show us that He is so much more involved than that. Even if we are just holding the tool box for the Master Builder in the infinite scheme of things, how blessed we are that He allows, even wants, us to be involved in what He is doing!

That is the lesson I am trying to teach my oldest son right now. He is only 3 years old, but he knows at least the names of almost all my tools (except for the planer. He still thinks that one can fly). It would be irresponsible of me, and very dangerous, to just hand him a hammer and nails and tell him to go hang up a picture. On the other hand, though, it would be wasting an opportunity for me to just turn on the TV for him while I go in the other room and do the “big boy” work like assembling a bookshelf or moving furniture. I want him to be a part of the project, and to feel like he helped his dad.

I want to help my Dad–not just my biological dad, but my Heavenly Father. I want to be involved in what He is doing. I want to bring Him water and hold the door and have Him pat my head and say, “Thanks, buddy. You’re a good helper.”

One day, when my son Sam is my age, I hope he tells people that he helped his dad re-floor the sun room when he was 3 yrs old! He did, by the way. He may not have carried a large percentage of the work, but he did help me. Even if he doesn’t remember it…I will.

Balancing Fatherhood With…Anything Else

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 6, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

After a few blog posts on blogging, I realize that no one is going to want to read a blog about blogging all the time. I will update frequently on the behind the scenes things as they change or update, but that isn’t what I plan to blog about every week.

For a while now, I have noticed an interesting trend online: while you constantly see articles and blog posts from so-called “blogger moms,” it is very rare to read anything that was written by a blogger dad. I don’t mean that men don’t write articles, of course. There are countless male authors of scholarly papers, news articles, tech blogs, even cooking and fashion blogs. What I mean is that fathers in general are not featured prominently by most media, and it is rare for there to be an open dialog between men about raising children. Our culture in America and even globally today glosses over fatherhood.

From a modern point of view, the idea of a traditional family unit is seen as “old fashioned,” outdated, and sometimes even fundamentalist. Having been raised conservative myself, I naturally disagree with this, but my purpose in opening up this avenue of dialog is not to get political. Instead, I want to share what being a dad means to me; and I hope that other dads who read my blog will get ideas, find helpful tips, or at least see that there is another person out here who understands what it’s like to come home from work and have to change a diaper before you can take your shoes off.

We dads need each other. We need a place where we can come together and be real, where we can help each other through the tough days and congratulate each other on our victories. The name of my blog, “Resources for Underdogs,” was inspired by the everyday heroes who work tirelessly to provide for their families and make ends meet, without compromising what makes them unique in the first place. We who would lay down our lives for our children, but also have dreams of our own. We work long hours, sacrifice many nights and weekends, and then fall asleep on the couch when we finally have a night to ourselves because we just don’t have anything left.

I don’t say any of this to “toot my own horn,” as they say. I say these things to let my fellow dads know that I get it, I know how you feel. Not as a grandfather or a successful billionaire (or both?) who has come out of the journey on the other side, but as someone who is in the trenches right now with you. We are the underdogs. This blog, and everything I post on it, is for you.

The longer I write, the more heavy and serious I tend to get, so let me finish this post today by sharing a video of my son being hilarious for my YouTube channel. Thanks for reading, keep up the good fight, and I’ll see you guys soon.

Intro to Affiliate links

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 1, 2020

In Blogging

So today I am going to try some affiliate links. Since we are experimenting and trying new things, this will of course be an experimental feature and may or may not benefit anyone.

First up is Amazon Prime Video. Many of us are already Prime members, and get free shipping on our orders among other benefits. What a lot of people don’t realize is that Amazon Prime includes a video service, Amazon Prime Video, which is comparable to Netflix and Hulu. Of course, it has a lot of older stuff that most people are not so interested in to fill out the catalog, but it actually has several binge-able shows (wow, “bingeable” isn’t a word?! What?) such as some old favorites like Psych, Monk, and Chuck as well as new classics like Parks & Recreation (at least as of the time of this writing).

If you use my link to sign up for a trial to Prime, I will get a commission from the sale even if you cancel before the free trial is up! I think. I’m still figuring this out. Regardless, you should check it out because while affiliate integration is part of the goal of the blog, Prime Video is also a great service and my family uses it every day.

Join Amazon Prime – Watch Thousands of Movies & TV Shows Anytime – Start Free Trial Now

Next up is another Amazon service, Amazon Music Unlimited. While the TV app is a little hard to navigate, I actually prefer Amazon Music Unlimited to Google/YouTube Music and iTunes because of the level of control over my content and the library. Admittedly, the libraries of just about every music streaming service is about the same, but I like the controls and ease of use of Amazon Music Unlimited. Click the link below to try it out!! You don’t even have to be a Prime Member!

Try Amazon Music Unlimited Free Trial

Amazon gives the option to add banners, too, which are more noticeable. Next “lesson” I will try those instead. For more info on the steps I went to in order to get this far, leave me a comment so I know you are interested! I’ll check in soon to let you guys know if it seems to be a viable option for a blog such as this. Thanks readers.

Getting Started

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On August 31, 2020

In Blogging

One day, hopefully, I’ll look back on my humble beginnings as a blogger and fondly think of the free tools I used to help me start out. I will think, “Gosh, I can’t believe I used to have to squeeze in writing blog posts during nap time on my days off! I sure have come a long way from using a free blogging site with a cheap hosting plan. I’m so glad I have my own premium suite of themes and plugins now!”

Of course, that’s a long way off. So right now, I’m going to record the set up I currently have, for your information and for posterity. Upgrading (and writing better, more engaging content) will happen in stages of course, but for now, let’s talk about what all I’m using.

I have a gaming laptop, but you can use any computer or even a phone to blog. If you are a person who lives in the world in 2020 (hint: you are), then you already knew that. By the time I’m famous we will probably all have computers in our brains that project a screen in front of our eyes and we can do all this just by thinking it, but that’s got to be AT LEAST 10 years away. At least…

(As a quick aside right here, I went to Google a whimsical photo of a person with a VR headset just now, so I could add an image to my post. Like, I literally just did that in the middle writing this post. What I found was that without spending money to subscribe to a service or license professional photos, I literally couldn’t find any images. Nothing for free exists unless I take my own photos or steal someone’s copyrighted work. The internet is increasingly hostile to we free-to-play users. Remember that, though, because that means you can sell ANYTHING on here.)

As for what I do once I get online, I use BlueHost for my hosting needs. They make it easy to incorporate WordPress blogs and page templates. Bluehost does cost a little bit, but that is for the privilege of having your own domain. Since I wanted to have my own actual website, elijahcliett.com, instead of just using something like wordpress.com/yournamehere, I went for the actual hosting plan.

And then I just searched through the free themes and plug ins to get it looking like I wanted. It isn’t flashy, and one day I will want to upgrade with a premium theme and add some links, ads, and better social media integration. For now though, it works.

And my kids are all yelling and waking up from their naps, so I’m signing off. Remember: the key here is to do what you can when you have time. If you wait for the right moment, it will never come.

Beginning Again

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On August 28, 2020

In Blogging

How many times have I started over and erased all the content on my blog so I could start fresh? I have lost count. I seem to have this compulsive need to start from scratch. And it’s not just in writing; when I set a book down for more than a week, I have this need to start from the beginning. I have played the introductions of so many video games over and over without ever finishing the game because I get distracted and forget to keep playing; then I come back after a month and don’t remember anything. So I start over. Again.

I have heard the old saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder,” so I’m sure all of my sporadic readers love me by now, since it’s been years since I posted anything on my blog…

Here we are again, though, starting over. My goal is provide consistent tips, observations, thoughts, ideas, randomness and whatever else I can think of to stick in a post. Once a week at minimum. If you read my About Me page, you can see that I am working on seeing what works in the online arena as far as viewership and traffic goes. That’s what this is about — posting something even if I don’t have much to say, hoping that I’ll learn what I want to say during the process.

Do you have an irrational habit of constantly scrapping your progress and starting over? Let me know in the comments!

Intelligence, or…?

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 2, 2016

In Blogging

Some people are normal. They get up, work out, eat a nice breakfast, go to work, work really hard, and go home. Then they either watch TV and go to bed, or they spend time with their family. Normal people also take what life hands them. They deal well with stress, they are primarily reactive to their surroundings, and they don’t ponder what “could have been” or think back about “if only I had…” whatever. They are especially engaged in conversation, and show a genuine interest in what you say.

I have met very few of these people, but I hear they are out there. I also hear that everyone else envies them. If you are “normal,” congratulations. You are a rarity, and therefore a paradox.

If, however, that is NOT you, then welcome to my world. I care a lot about other people. It isn’t that I don’t care. I just basically have no filter in my mind. You know how some people just talk and talk and talk and don’t know when to shut up, and even say really inappropriate things before realizing that they just heard that come from their own mouth? Then a friend says, “Gosh, I’m sorry guys…she has no filter…” Well my mind is like that. My mouth, at some point, got disconnected from my brain enough that I am able to at least appear like I am listening (and I am trying to, believe me). But 90% of the time, I am not entirely present wherever I am. I am somewhere inside the vast, dystopian abyss that is my mind.

Here is a little bit of what it is like to be me:

Wake up. Think, “Oh my gosh, that was the weirdest dream ever…” and experience about 3/10 of a second of peace before mentality tripping over reality and finding something insignificant to stress about.
Spend a few minutes of restless drifting between dreaming and waking, in which you try to convince yourself that the world isn’t so bad and that your day really won’t be all that stressful after all.
Try to concentrate, so you can think of the name of that song playing over the loudspeaker in the grocery store–only to finally wake up and realize it was your alarm and you are still in bed. And it is your favorite song, but for some reason dream-you didn’t recognize it.
Get up, put on a cool shirt you forgot you had, brush your teeth with toothpaste that for some reason looks like a tie-dye version of–
Wake up. That was a dream too. This is probably why you are always 5-10 minutes late to work. It is also why that shirt looked cool. You lost it 6 years ago and you still miss it.
Get up for real, get dressed, pack a lunch, leave the house in time to stop behind the school bus every 8 feet for the next 11 miles.
Turn on your audio book, because you may as well make the most out of the 52 minute drive to work (that one isn’t an exaggeration).
Space out thinking about the molecular composition of trees, and how nanotechnology could revolutionize the medical field, among many other things. Seriously, if we could modify elements on an atomic level by recombining them into other elements, we could create food out of water, or purify water very cheaply, or basically do whatever we could imagine because we could basically play Minecraft with molecules and build whatever we wanted! Just think about the implications! Maybe I should have stuck with science because–
Realize your audio book is still playing and you have no idea who is talking or why they sound like something important just happened; rewind to discover your attention span is no better this time. Three tries later you still don’t know, as now your full attention is devoted to solving world hunger.
Give up and play some music you can tune out while you keep thinking intently.
Realize your mind is totally blank now, and the ambient music is making you sleepy.
Spend the rest of your day doing the same thing, especially when people are talking to you or telling you important things. Remember the ’90s Nickelodeon cartoon Doug? And how he would day dream about some scenario and wake up to realize that he was in school and everyone was laughing at him? Yea I can’t believe that doesn’t still happen to everyone.

I would love to pretend that all that is normal. Maybe it is. Or maybe I have some other problem. I have heard that people whose minds go crazy like mine are just extremely intelligent.

I’ve also heard its a common trait in children with autism and a lot of sociopaths. I think I’ll go with “above average intelligence.”

To anyone still reading, thanks for tuning in. To meet me in person, you would think I was shy and quiet. It is much more likely that I am analyzing everything about you and everyone else in the room, writing a song in my head, wondering what it would be like to NOT have a constant stream of thought exploding through my brain like a train wreck, and occasionally actually hearing what you say. If any of this has made you think, “wait, what? Is that a typo? Did I read that right? Why did he say that? This is confusing…” Well, welcome to the inside of my head. Hopefully that explains a lot.

Dealing with Discouragement

By quietcliett

On March 7, 2016

In Blogging

When you hear the word “opposition,” what immediately comes to mind? Some people think of the enemy in a war or the bad guys in their favorite movie. I personally just think of life. That seems a little dark, I realize, but to be honest my main source of discouragement comes from my inability to effect change around me. I look around and see the state of our education system, or the train wreck that is the political choices for this upcoming 2016 election, and I just want to punch something. Not someone, of course. I mean I’m not violent.

Then I go to work and begin checking emails and looking at what I have to do, and I realize just how much money I DON’T make, and how many more people I could be helping, and just how little I really do in this world. I get discouraged and feel hopeless and want to quit–and then I see some article for a guy who started out broke and now owns a billion dollar company, or some similar story. I begin to think about what I can do right now to grow my business and begin to get excited. If you are anything like me, then it is at this point you begin to grit your teeth and decide, “You know what? Screw the odds. Let’s change the world right now. I don’t need the government’s help, I don’t need money, I’ll just work so hard and feverishly towards a better world that people around me will begin to change, too, like it’s a disease. Right now, I’m casting out discouragement. This is it.”

Of course, sitting at your desk seething with determination and passion lasts about as long as takes to get up and get a cup of coffee, and then you try to actually do your work and realize that, despite your resolution, nothing has actually changed. People around you don’t even know anything happened in those 45 seconds you were glaring at your screen and tightening your fist. To your dismay, the world is just as dark and discouraging as it was just a few minutes ago. Slowly you sit back down and go about that project you were putting off because you really have nothing more meaningful to do.

So. What are you supposed to do with determination? Is it enough? Is that energy, that drive, sufficient to make a business work? The answer is, no. It isn’t. I don’t care how much you WANT to be a rock star; you aren’t going to make it if you aren’t any good at your instrument, or you never get out and play for people for free and build a fan base. Even then, many talented musicians have never managed to get famous because they don’t know the right people or they don’t live in the right town to really get noticed.

I personally find this exceedingly discouraging, and a little unfair. Why shouldn’t the hard working underdog get what he is working towards? Why is it that so many businesses fail, and so many passionate entrepreneurs end up working at Walmart or doing construction because the world didn’t give them a chance? Now that I think of it, why is Walmart so special? How is it that their CEO never struggles to pay his bills like I do?

I actually don’t have the answers. I usually write with the purpose of helping people and giving insight into every day situations, and hopefully my words will reach someone where they are. But I don’t have a quick fix for the hard days. I don’t know of a patch you can put on your life to make it more fair. Discouragement can come from any direction, even well meaning friends, and it can certainly come from society. In this age of consumerism, only those who offer the cheapest product with the fastest, “funnest” reward can hope to keep anyone’s business, and that isn’t necessarily a good thing.

Especially in America, we have grown accustomed to immediate gratification, which of course you know and have heard about for years now. That isn’t an original idea I have, it’s just the way things are. Just look at the mobile gaming industry–in the past few years casual games have gone from “beat the game and rescue the princess to unlock new rewards” to a pay-to-win format; “just pay $9.99 right now to remove ads and receive 1,000 GameBucks that you can spend on cheats to make the game easier and more fun!” Of course those 1,000 Gamebucks are gone in all of 8 seconds and the game then says, “Still losing? Buy more moves for ~~only $19.99~~ Just $7.99 for a limited time only!”

This post is not about the gaming industry, but that is a perfect illustration of how our mindsets have changed. Hard work, facing resistance and growing stronger have become words that old geezers use to patronize us. For crying out loud, I’m thriving in the digital age here! I don’t need to LEARN anything, I have Google! I don’t need to work on marketable skills, I just need money! It is so much easier to work at McDonald’s and sue them to give me higher minimum wage pay, than to make an effort in school and earn a degree that will help me land a respectable job! That would be too hard, and life isn’t supposed to be difficult. I’m just a guy trying to get by in this crazy world and for all the crap I put up with, they owe me higher pay. I can’t actually enjoy life if I spend all my time serving other people for hardly any money. What good is money if I don’t get to buy myself new toys?

Maybe now you are starting to see that my point is NOT just “Poor little me, I can’t get ahead in life because things are too hard…” Opposition, resistance–these are necessary for survival. No, it isn’t fair. Grow up. Life isn’t ever going to be fair. I don’t know how “religious” my reader base is, but I am a follower of Jesus and I can tell you right now that if life was fair, I would have been the one on the Cross. I am not, and was not, and will never be worth saving but Christ died in my place anyway. This isn’t a sermon, it’s what I believe and I won’t try to hide it.

“If life was fair, I would have been the one on the Cross.”

But my point is not to turn this into an invitation and pray with you. My point is, we need opposition. We need resistance. Ever tried to build muscle by just lifting your arms into the air? Good luck. Have you ever tried to beat someone at checkers who let you win? It sucks! That isn’t rewarding, it’s a waste of time! I don’t want victory handed to me in pity, I want to wrench it from the grasp of my enemy! Grr!!!

I may seem a bit disjointed in my presentation, but ultimately I want you to get from this that life isn’t easy. I know that. It is in fact very difficult. And I don’t have the answers, or the secret to free money. What I do have is hope. And a little heart. I know I can make it, even if I don’t know HOW I will make it. Discouragement works its way into your soul like a cancer, and it can take over and cripple you if you let it. This is the difference between waking up every day and deciding to do the best you can with the day ahead, versus waking up wishing you could fast forward through the dull, unrewarding emptiness that is your life.

One parting thought is the scientific idea of friction. Friction is what causes rope burns and carpet burns; it is resistance on a molecular level. If molecules did not have friction, then they would not face resistance and could move through the air unhindered. But do you know what else that would mean? Without friction, there could also be no traction! If your car had no resistance (friction) to overcome, you would not be able to control it! Your car would slide downhill until it was at the lowest point around, and it would stay there. If you tried to run, you would just slide around and never be able to go anywhere. That’s why in space, they have special training to move in a zero gravity environment, and they have to use a tether when they go outside the ship. There is friction, but no gravity or air resistance, so if they let go of the ship they just float away and have no way to get back! Did you catch that? Without resistance, you can not make progress.

This is true in our lives, as well. Without resistance, we can’t make any progress. Without an enemy, there would be no word for “victory.” Without friction, resistance against something, we would not make traction and would literally never get anywhere. I know that it isn’t easy. It is not supposed to be easy. Hard work does not exist without something to work against, and there is nothing rewarding about not doing anything. When you get discouraged, remember that discouragement is just a distraction from personal effort. If you are truly overwhelmed, it may be time for a break, but it is never time to quit completely. Life is not supposed to be a breeze, and if it really was you wouldn’t enjoy it. So make the most of the opportunities you have, and remember that the journey is always worth it when you see it over your shoulder.

If Only

By quietcliett

On January 25, 2016

In Blogging

Several years ago, when I was in college, I was getting ready to graduate and all I could think about was what I would do once I was finally free. “If I could just get out of college, then my life can really begin,” I thought to myself. Then, once I graduated, I lived with my parents for several months as I tried to find a good steady job and get my feet on the ground. Then I would think, “Once I find the right job and live totally on my own, my life can really begin.” Eventually, I moved out and was working three different jobs just to make ends meet–all the time I was hoping for my music and recording career to take off. I was also trying to save up money to ask my then-girlfriend to marry me. “If I could just get married and have a partner in all this, it would be so much easier. Then if I can record a short demo, I can start working on my music and everything will be great.” Then I got married, and got a full time job. Which I hated. So I would always comfort myself in the fact that one day I would not have to work there anymore and then I could really enjoy life. Around this time I began to realize: I am always going to have some situation or circumstance in my life that I wish was better, or at least different, for one reason or another. I don’t need to wish away each season in my life because things aren’t “perfect.”

At some point in life, everyone has an “if only” thought: “If only I had _____, I could be happy.” For some people, that blank represents an amount of money. For others, it is a meaningful relationship or a better job. Some people just want better toys: the newest Ferrari, the latest PlayStation, a bigger (or smaller) computer, a new phone. Some people are never happy, no matter what they get, while still others genuinely need a change from a difficult situation, relationship, etc.

These “If only’s” are something that everyone thinks of from time to time. I don’t think that is unhealthy. You may be expecting me to tell you to just suck it up and be happy, or be grateful, or something similar. In a sense, that is what I needed to do a few years ago, and it may be what you need to hear right now. But if it is true at this point in your life, then you should already know that and this post probably isn’t going to help you. Telling you to “just be happy where you are” if you are dissatisfied with your life is kind of like telling a homeless man “Hey, just get off the streets and get a job!” Or like saying to a starving child “you just need to eat something!” It sounds so easy and simple when you are talking about someone else but when it hits home, when it is your life, that is some of the hardest advice–because if I KNEW how to be happy, I WOULD BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. Thanks for nothing.

What I want to do instead is to encourage you to think about your situation differently. I read a blog post back around the time I was first settling in to married life, and was just beginning to realize how much I hated my job. That blog post really helped me change my perspective. I am in no way affiliated with that blog or author, and I don’t remember the author’s name, but I will never forget the name of the post: “Life doesn’t begin at your next milestone.” Whoa.

The exact wording of it all, I don’t remember, but essentially it reminded me that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. What you do at home after work at that job you don’t like is, forever, how you spent one evening of your life. If you come home from work every day and binge watch Netflix, you are spending your life watching Netflix while working at a job you hate. If you like to draw or paint or write, however, and you come home every day and draw, or paint, or write, then you are spending your time doing what you love.

I have always wanted to write. I enjoy writing. Fiction, advice, research articles, insights, and even just ramblings are all rolling around in my head, just waiting to get out. If I never write any of it down because I won’t get paid for it, or because I think no one wants to read it, I am wasting an opportunity to do something I love doing. What other people think should not dictate how you spend your days; but even if it did, which do you think they would respect more: a life lived in waiting for a day that never comes, or a live spent enjoying every moment and pouring your energy into becoming who you were meant to be?

Wishing away the season you are in now seems to be human nature, for some reason. We always want things to be different, kind of like the idea that “the grass is always greener.” We eventually get tired of what we see, and we want a change. Therein lies the secret, though: change. Change does not have to mean moving on. A wise friend of mine told me once, “If you are looking at the other side of the fence and the grass is green, but then you look around at your side of the fence and you see that the grass is turning brown–you need to water your grass.” That has become one of my favorite quotes. We are so quick to complain about how things aren’t what we want, or to get depressed because we have that one thing in life that we just can’t seem to get rid of. But if we succumb to the despair, and just live our lives trying to cope with our frustration, we miss the adventures that await us in the everyday and the mundane.

My reason for writing this all today is to say this to you: Don’t spend your time waiting. I have not yet recorded a full album, and that is something I would like to do one day. But if I go home every day depressed about how I haven’t accomplished it yet, and never work on writing or playing any music, it is never going to get any closer than it was yesterday or the day before, or last month or last year. How you spend your time, day after day, is how you are spending your life. If you want to make a difference, and you want your life to really count, make it count right now. Remember how short life is. Remember that we are never guaranteed tomorrow. What you do today could be the last thing you ever do. My mark on the world could be the sum of my life up until now, and that could be it. The last words I ever say could be what I am typing now. For me, that is a good reason to live today as if it really counts–because friend, it does.