Don’t Waste It

Being a father is more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Don’t hear me wrong, here–this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Molding and shaping them, and teaching them, and growing with them… the kicker is that, most of the time, that’s the easy part.

Not that it is “easy” to teach kids anything. Sometimes just getting them to listen at all is like pulling teeth… I have heard other fathers say things like, “Man, I just wasn’t cut out to be a dad I guess,” or, “Hey, you guys want another kid? I’ve got one you can have!” These things break my heart. I realize that these dads are mostly joking (usually), but I believe fatherhood is one of the most serious, heavy, important things you can involve yourself in, and I don’t like people to toss it around lightly. No, it isn’t really easy, and there are days when I wonder if I am doing it right at all. But, at least in my life, loving my kids and pouring life into them comes naturally. What doesn’t always come naturally is this: denying myself of what I want so that I can take care of my kids.

I would absolutely LOVE to just get up in the morning on my day off, at whatever time I want to wake up, and just drink coffee and watch TV for a while before playing some video games, reading a book, doing some yard work, and just in general actually being off. I don’t remember the last time a weekend went that way for me. I’m not complaining, because I know it would be selfish of me to expect them to just leave me alone. Besides, what is the point of having a family if you don’t love and enjoy them?

Today, I tried to lock myself away for a while and just write a blog post. I have several unfinished starter posts in my drafts folder, because I am too much of a perfectionist to post something that isn’t up to my “standards.” I thought I would finally look over some of those and come up with a good, profound thought for the day. Instead, I ended up playing with the kids while my wife took a nap (she has been sick, in her defense), then while they were distracted I cleaned the kitchen and cooked supper (yea, I know. I’m well-trained awesome). Oh well.

Now that I am getting a chance to write, it looks like my unfinished posts are going to stay that way, because this is what I wrote instead. What I want to get across to my readers today is that, as a dad, you probably don’t get much time to yourself to do what you want to do. If you do, good for you, and I hope you are better than me at balancing your wants against the needs and demands of your family. But it occurred to me today while I spent time holding my 1-year-old daughter that one day, I will have all the time in the world to myself. One day, when they are grown and gone off to college or they are married and having kids of their own, I will get a chance to watch the shows I want to and listen to the music I want to and read the books I want to read. But I won’t get to hold my 1-year-old daughter any more after December 19th, 2020, because then she will be my 2-year-old daughter. The season will be over.

Sure, some days I look forward to when they are older and we can go to the movies and to theme parks together. But I know that the day will come when they will have their own friends, and their own interests. So I am choosing to spend as much time as I can holding them and playing puzzles with them and doing what they think is fun. The hardest part about being a dad is that, one day, I know I will have to let them go into the world as adults, and I dread that day. Even though I know I will be so proud of them, and so happy for them…I dread it.

So for today: even if things didn’t go “my way,” I chose to make memories with them. I chose to love them and be with them. I hope that by building and cultivating my relationships with my children now, they will look back fondly on their childhood. I hope that keeps them from wandering too far into the world, too far to come back home for Christmas.

But when that day comes that they are off on their own, soaring and being all that they can be, I want to be able to look back on today, and on this season, and know that I made the most of it. My parents poured into my sister and me the same way, and now, we are closer than most families despite our physical distance. I have talked to my dad about how to raise them, and asked for advice on many occasions. The best advice he has given me, that I am sharing with you, is this: don’t waste it. They won’t be this little forever. What your children think of you 20 and 30 years from now will be what they see right now. Are you showing them that you are there and will listen, and that they can come to you for every little thing? You have a special opportunity to build something that will last far longer than your favorite TV show will be on the air. You have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be their Dad. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Don’t waste it.