Category: Fathers

Don’t Waste It

On November 8, 2020

Being a father is more difficult than I ever thought it would be. Don’t hear me wrong, here–this is the most rewarding thing I have ever done in my life. Molding and shaping them, and teaching them, and growing with them… the kicker is that, most of the time, that’s the easy part.

Not that it is “easy” to teach kids anything. Sometimes just getting them to listen at all is like pulling teeth… I have heard other fathers say things like, “Man, I just wasn’t cut out to be a dad I guess,” or, “Hey, you guys want another kid? I’ve got one you can have!” These things break my heart. I realize that these dads are mostly joking (usually), but I believe fatherhood is one of the most serious, heavy, important things you can involve yourself in, and I don’t like people to toss it around lightly. No, it isn’t really easy, and there are days when I wonder if I am doing it right at all. But, at least in my life, loving my kids and pouring life into them comes naturally. What doesn’t always come naturally is this: denying myself of what I want so that I can take care of my kids.

I would absolutely LOVE to just get up in the morning on my day off, at whatever time I want to wake up, and just drink coffee and watch TV for a while before playing some video games, reading a book, doing some yard work, and just in general actually being off. I don’t remember the last time a weekend went that way for me. I’m not complaining, because I know it would be selfish of me to expect them to just leave me alone. Besides, what is the point of having a family if you don’t love and enjoy them?

Today, I tried to lock myself away for a while and just write a blog post. I have several unfinished starter posts in my drafts folder, because I am too much of a perfectionist to post something that isn’t up to my “standards.” I thought I would finally look over some of those and come up with a good, profound thought for the day. Instead, I ended up playing with the kids while my wife took a nap (she has been sick, in her defense), then while they were distracted I cleaned the kitchen and cooked supper (yea, I know. I’m ~~well-trained~~ awesome). Oh well.

Now that I am getting a chance to write, it looks like my unfinished posts are going to stay that way, because this is what I wrote instead. What I want to get across to my readers today is that, as a dad, you probably don’t get much time to yourself to do what you want to do. If you do, good for you, and I hope you are better than me at balancing your wants against the needs and demands of your family. But it occurred to me today while I spent time holding my 1-year-old daughter that one day, I will have all the time in the world to myself. One day, when they are grown and gone off to college or they are married and having kids of their own, I will get a chance to watch the shows I want to and listen to the music I want to and read the books I want to read. But I won’t get to hold my 1-year-old daughter any more after December 19th, 2020, because then she will be my 2-year-old daughter. The season will be over.

Sure, some days I look forward to when they are older and we can go to the movies and to theme parks together. But I know that the day will come when they will have their own friends, and their own interests. So I am choosing to spend as much time as I can holding them and playing puzzles with them and doing what they think is fun. The hardest part about being a dad is that, one day, I know I will have to let them go into the world as adults, and I dread that day. Even though I know I will be so proud of them, and so happy for them…I dread it.

So for today: even if things didn’t go “my way,” I chose to make memories with them. I chose to love them and be with them. I hope that by building and cultivating my relationships with my children now, they will look back fondly on their childhood. I hope that keeps them from wandering too far into the world, too far to come back home for Christmas.

But when that day comes that they are off on their own, soaring and being all that they can be, I want to be able to look back on today, and on this season, and know that I made the most of it. My parents poured into my sister and me the same way, and now, we are closer than most families despite our physical distance. I have talked to my dad about how to raise them, and asked for advice on many occasions. The best advice he has given me, that I am sharing with you, is this: don’t waste it. They won’t be this little forever. What your children think of you 20 and 30 years from now will be what they see right now. Are you showing them that you are there and will listen, and that they can come to you for every little thing? You have a special opportunity to build something that will last far longer than your favorite TV show will be on the air. You have a once-in-a-lifetime chance to be their Dad. Once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Don’t waste it.

Just listen

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On October 5, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

I don’t remember much about being 3 years old, but I wonder if I was as stubborn and strong-willed as my son is.

Erica (my wife) and I have had a hard time lately with getting him to listen to ANYTHING. No matter what we say, especially as he gets tired, we are usually met with no response. Then, when we say, “Sam! Do you hear me?!” We get a blank stare as he asks, “Huh?” I find it particularly maddening that right after that, while I repeat what I said, he begins to talk and sing and make silly noises while I’m still talking and makes no attempt to listen the second time.

I don’t like to spank my kids. It’s not that I “don’t believe in that” or anything. I just don’t like to. It hurts them physically (only a little), it hurts their feelings, and it stings me too because I don’t like causing them pain or discomfort in any way. In light of all that, I will do whatever I can to get my point across any other way; talking, explaining, using examples, putting them in time-out, taking toys away, whatever. Sometimes, one of those will at least seem to break through to Sam. But sometimes…

My dad used to say, “If your two ears up top won’t listen, I’ll have to speak to the Third Ear!” I always rolled my eyes and thought that was a stupid thing to call someone’s butt. Your backside can’t hear, I would think, he just likes making stupid jokes or something, whatever. But now that I am a parent? I get it. I’m sorry, dad, for all the times I didn’t listen with my two ears up top, because now I see how INFURIATING it is for your kid to suddenly act like they don’t understand English!

I wonder how often God calls me, talks to me, tells me to do something, tells me again, and then finally just has enough and has to break something in order to get my attention. Well, I don’t wonder, I guess, because like a child, it isn’t that I just don’t hear Dad talking…it’s that I’m not always paying attention. I tend to tune Him out unless I want something or find myself in a crisis. Then, when He doesn’t answer me immediately or in the way I wanted, I get frustrated and wonder why He doesn’t care or why He sits back and doesn’t intervene in my circumstances.

As a father myself, I can just imagine what He says: Oh, son. You are so bright sometimes, and then you go and act like a dummy. Listen to what I am saying! Pay attention to the work I’m doing in you and around you! You are not ready for all that I could be giving you because you can’t even listen to simple instructions.

Then, since I didn’t listen, as if I don’t hear or understand Him, God has to get my attention some other way. We have a “third ear” too, and if you have never been out of the favor of God, let me tell you, I would MUCH rather have a physical spanking. Sometimes God has to break your car or your job or your budget in order to make you listen. Once he gets your attention, the conviction that comes when you realize WHY he had to do all that just makes it even worse. For me, there is guilt and restlessness until I have really repented and come back humbly to where God intended for me to be all along.

I want to do better. I want my son to do better, too. God gives us children, in part, to help us see our own faults, I guess. To basically say, “This is what I am dealing with! Now you know how that feels!”

Having children also shows me the unconditional love of the Father. No matter how frustrating they can be, I would give my life in an instant in order to save them. I care so deeply for them that it really does hurt me more than it hurts them to have to spank them or fuss at them, because I just want them to be good and do good and not have to get in trouble or be corrected. Imagine our relationship if they would just listen. They would never have to feel guilty or ashamed or sorry, and I would never have to be angry or upset or disappointed…

Now turn that thought around, and just imagine what our relationships with God could be…if we would just listen.

Helping Dad

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 15, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

When I was a kid, I loved to help my dad with projects around the house. We mainly did yard work, but we also had a few bigger ongoing projects. The ones I can remember from being old enough to actually help include turning a screened in porch into a full sun room, re-shingling our roof, repainting the house, and turning a large back porch into three closed-in rooms.

As an adult, when I think back on all that I “helped” with as a kid, I can remember many times when my dad gave me a “special” job that ended up really not being such a big piece of the project at all. Bringing water, holding a door, and removing nails from the lumber in the trash pile are a few examples. As I got older, he let me do more and more, and at least the flooring and drywall in the sun room, he and I did without any help. I have used the skills I learned from that on multiple occasions as a homeowner myself!

But if all I did when I was younger was hold a door open, or get a hammer from the toolbox, did I really help very much? The answer, of course, is not that I helped my dad so much, or that I was some sort of construction whiz (I am definitely not, I can assure you). The reason why he gave me jobs that seemed big to me but that don’t seem so big to us now lies in the fact that I still remember them.

My dad was building a relationship. It was all about teamwork, and about helping in the project and being a part of the work that was going on. It wasn’t that he needed my help. It was that I needed to think he needed my help. And, as a dad I can also say, it was that he WANTED me to be involved and be on his team.

That is how God uses us in His work. He is doing a great work in the world today, even though a lot of evidence we see may seem to point to Him just sitting back, playing the role of an eternal clock maker who has wound up his invention and is just letting it tick away. The character of God revealed to us in His work and in the remnants of our Created Nature (thanks C.S. Lewis) show us that He is so much more involved than that. Even if we are just holding the tool box for the Master Builder in the infinite scheme of things, how blessed we are that He allows, even wants, us to be involved in what He is doing!

That is the lesson I am trying to teach my oldest son right now. He is only 3 years old, but he knows at least the names of almost all my tools (except for the planer. He still thinks that one can fly). It would be irresponsible of me, and very dangerous, to just hand him a hammer and nails and tell him to go hang up a picture. On the other hand, though, it would be wasting an opportunity for me to just turn on the TV for him while I go in the other room and do the “big boy” work like assembling a bookshelf or moving furniture. I want him to be a part of the project, and to feel like he helped his dad.

I want to help my Dad–not just my biological dad, but my Heavenly Father. I want to be involved in what He is doing. I want to bring Him water and hold the door and have Him pat my head and say, “Thanks, buddy. You’re a good helper.”

One day, when my son Sam is my age, I hope he tells people that he helped his dad re-floor the sun room when he was 3 yrs old! He did, by the way. He may not have carried a large percentage of the work, but he did help me. Even if he doesn’t remember it…I will.

Balancing Fatherhood With…Anything Else

By elijahcliett@gmail.com

On September 6, 2020

In Fathers, Parenting

After a few blog posts on blogging, I realize that no one is going to want to read a blog about blogging all the time. I will update frequently on the behind the scenes things as they change or update, but that isn’t what I plan to blog about every week.

For a while now, I have noticed an interesting trend online: while you constantly see articles and blog posts from so-called “blogger moms,” it is very rare to read anything that was written by a blogger dad. I don’t mean that men don’t write articles, of course. There are countless male authors of scholarly papers, news articles, tech blogs, even cooking and fashion blogs. What I mean is that fathers in general are not featured prominently by most media, and it is rare for there to be an open dialog between men about raising children. Our culture in America and even globally today glosses over fatherhood.

From a modern point of view, the idea of a traditional family unit is seen as “old fashioned,” outdated, and sometimes even fundamentalist. Having been raised conservative myself, I naturally disagree with this, but my purpose in opening up this avenue of dialog is not to get political. Instead, I want to share what being a dad means to me; and I hope that other dads who read my blog will get ideas, find helpful tips, or at least see that there is another person out here who understands what it’s like to come home from work and have to change a diaper before you can take your shoes off.

We dads need each other. We need a place where we can come together and be real, where we can help each other through the tough days and congratulate each other on our victories. The name of my blog, “Resources for Underdogs,” was inspired by the everyday heroes who work tirelessly to provide for their families and make ends meet, without compromising what makes them unique in the first place. We who would lay down our lives for our children, but also have dreams of our own. We work long hours, sacrifice many nights and weekends, and then fall asleep on the couch when we finally have a night to ourselves because we just don’t have anything left.

I don’t say any of this to “toot my own horn,” as they say. I say these things to let my fellow dads know that I get it, I know how you feel. Not as a grandfather or a successful billionaire (or both?) who has come out of the journey on the other side, but as someone who is in the trenches right now with you. We are the underdogs. This blog, and everything I post on it, is for you.

The longer I write, the more heavy and serious I tend to get, so let me finish this post today by sharing a video of my son being hilarious for my YouTube channel. Thanks for reading, keep up the good fight, and I’ll see you guys soon.