Several years ago, when I was in college, I was getting ready to graduate and all I could think about was what I would do once I was finally free. “If I could just get out of college, then my life can really begin,” I thought to myself. Then, once I graduated, I lived with my parents for several months as I tried to find a good steady job and get my feet on the ground. Then I would think, “Once I find the right job and live totally on my own, my life can really begin.” Eventually, I moved out and was working three different jobs just to make ends meet–all the time I was hoping for my music and recording career to take off. I was also trying to save up money to ask my then-girlfriend to marry me. “If I could just get married and have a partner in all this, it would be so much easier. Then if I can record a short demo, I can start working on my music and everything will be great.” Then I got married, and got a full time job. Which I hated. So I would always comfort myself in the fact that one day I would not have to work there anymore and then I could really enjoy life. Around this time I began to realize: I am always going to have some situation or circumstance in my life that I wish was better, or at least different, for one reason or another. I don’t need to wish away each season in my life because things aren’t “perfect.”
At some point in life, everyone has an “if only” thought: “If only I had _____, I could be happy.” For some people, that blank represents an amount of money. For others, it is a meaningful relationship or a better job. Some people just want better toys: the newest Ferrari, the latest PlayStation, a bigger (or smaller) computer, a new phone. Some people are never happy, no matter what they get, while still others genuinely need a change from a difficult situation, relationship, etc.
These “If only’s” are something that everyone thinks of from time to time. I don’t think that is unhealthy. You may be expecting me to tell you to just suck it up and be happy, or be grateful, or something similar. In a sense, that is what I needed to do a few years ago, and it may be what you need to hear right now. But if it is true at this point in your life, then you should already know that and this post probably isn’t going to help you. Telling you to “just be happy where you are” if you are dissatisfied with your life is kind of like telling a homeless man “Hey, just get off the streets and get a job!” Or like saying to a starving child “you just need to eat something!” It sounds so easy and simple when you are talking about someone else but when it hits home, when it is your life, that is some of the hardest advice–because if I KNEW how to be happy, I WOULD BE HAPPY RIGHT NOW. Thanks for nothing.
What I want to do instead is to encourage you to think about your situation differently. I read a blog post back around the time I was first settling in to married life, and was just beginning to realize how much I hated my job. That blog post really helped me change my perspective. I am in no way affiliated with that blog or author, and I don’t remember the author’s name, but I will never forget the name of the post: “Life doesn’t begin at your next milestone.” Whoa.
The exact wording of it all, I don’t remember, but essentially it reminded me that life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. What you do at home after work at that job you don’t like is, forever, how you spent one evening of your life. If you come home from work every day and binge watch Netflix, you are spending your life watching Netflix while working at a job you hate. If you like to draw or paint or write, however, and you come home every day and draw, or paint, or write, then you are spending your time doing what you love.
I have always wanted to write. I enjoy writing. Fiction, advice, research articles, insights, and even just ramblings are all rolling around in my head, just waiting to get out. If I never write any of it down because I won’t get paid for it, or because I think no one wants to read it, I am wasting an opportunity to do something I love doing. What other people think should not dictate how you spend your days; but even if it did, which do you think they would respect more: a life lived in waiting for a day that never comes, or a live spent enjoying every moment and pouring your energy into becoming who you were meant to be?
Wishing away the season you are in now seems to be human nature, for some reason. We always want things to be different, kind of like the idea that “the grass is always greener.” We eventually get tired of what we see, and we want a change. Therein lies the secret, though: change. Change does not have to mean moving on. A wise friend of mine told me once, “If you are looking at the other side of the fence and the grass is green, but then you look around at your side of the fence and you see that the grass is turning brown–you need to water your grass.” That has become one of my favorite quotes. We are so quick to complain about how things aren’t what we want, or to get depressed because we have that one thing in life that we just can’t seem to get rid of. But if we succumb to the despair, and just live our lives trying to cope with our frustration, we miss the adventures that await us in the everyday and the mundane.
My reason for writing this all today is to say this to you: Don’t spend your time waiting. I have not yet recorded a full album, and that is something I would like to do one day. But if I go home every day depressed about how I haven’t accomplished it yet, and never work on writing or playing any music, it is never going to get any closer than it was yesterday or the day before, or last month or last year. How you spend your time, day after day, is how you are spending your life. If you want to make a difference, and you want your life to really count, make it count right now. Remember how short life is. Remember that we are never guaranteed tomorrow. What you do today could be the last thing you ever do. My mark on the world could be the sum of my life up until now, and that could be it. The last words I ever say could be what I am typing now. For me, that is a good reason to live today as if it really counts–because friend, it does.
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